Roger’s visit to the World Trade Center site

February 3, 2002

 

I peered around the scattered blotches of frost on the windshield as I pulled out of the Residence Inn parking lot just after breakfast.  I didn’t know if Dollar Rent A Car stashed scrapers in their vehicles, but I didn’t expect it.  While one would think it standard fare in rented cars in Boston , this company, in only 24 hours, had already let me down a number of times.  The evening before I had flown into Boston ’s Logan airport aboard a half-full United flight amid clear, cold skies.  I had called them from the airport to ask how to get to their office to pick up the car I had reserved two weeks earlier.  The man on the phone matter-of-factly told me a bus stops by the pick-up area every five to ten minutes.

        “How will the bus be identified?” I asked him, because I wasn’t sure if it was going to be a generic shuttle bus or company-owned.

        “It’ll say ‘Dollar Rent A Car’ on it,” he said with a tone that revealed he thought it was an idiotic question.

        A five to ten minute wait turned into twenty, and the young African American driver finally dropped off two other businessmen and myself at the rental car office.  By the time I figured out the small group of people I stood next to were actually not in line, the two men who followed me off the bus were now in front of me and there were a total of four people in line.  Two employees were working the counter.  I hoped I wouldn’t get the miserable-looking middle-aged woman who was hacking violently with an obvious cold.  Fate was with me – at least for a moment – because I eventually found myself in front of the second clerk.  He was a Hispanic Gen X’r with short spiked gelled hair and a voice that sounded exactly like the one I heard on the phone a half-hour earlier.

        “Driver’s license and credit card,” he stated, and I handed them to him.

        “The only cars we have left are a Kia Sportage and a Jeep Wrangler.  The Jeep Wrangler is a free upgrade.”

        I had been hoping for a quiet, unassuming car, like the Dodge Stratus the web site said I had reserved.  But since the Stratus was unavailable, I chose the Jeep Wrangler, with the logic that it was a higher quality vehicle because it was a free upgrade.

        My heart sank as I entered the parking lot to pick up the Jeep.  There was no roof to speak of – only a thin layer of gray canvas wrapped over the roll bars and fastened to the windshield.  A zipper around the clear plastic that was the rear window meant that anything I stored inside would be freely available to anyone who felt like pulling the zipper.  I thought for a moment how this Jeep could be a lot of fun in Moab in May, but this was not Moab .  This was Boston in February, and I was going to drive to New York City the next day.

        But none of that bothered me as I cranked up the radio to drown out the violent flapping of the canvas as the Jeep accelerated to 75 mph on I-95 that Sunday morning.  I was about to experience what some say is the “greatest city on earth”, and whose residents former mayor Guilianni called the “greatest people”.  I was going to lower Manhattan , where dozens of world class museums and hotels stand within a few blocks of each other. Where the Statue of Liberty stands off its south shore welcoming hopeful immigrants.  Where giant skyscrapers house the headquarters of some of the world’s most powerful corporations.

        But the main reason I was going was for the buildings that no longer existed.  Less than five months earlier nearly 3000 people lost their lives when the buildings collapsed.  Terrorists had hijacked two jet airliners and crashed them into the twin towers of the World Trade Center .  The collapse also destroyed five other buildings that, while dwarfed by the size of the towers, were huge by normal building standards.  The devastation was incredible.

        For two nights after the tragedy I sat in front of the television watching CNN in a zombie-like trance, struggling to grasp the magnitude of what had happened and wondering how life would change.  Although I didn’t know anyone directly affected, I thought it unfair for only the victims and their families to suffer, and so I spent considerable effort imagining the terror of being in the airliner or of being trapped on the upper floors.  I tried to feel a piece of what the relatives and friends must have felt concerning their loved ones.  A little of this, but not much, I accomplished.

        After two hours of driving I parked in the parking lot of the New Haven Metro-North Railroad Station.  I intended to ride the train to Grand Central Station and then take a cab to the observation deck.  I had thought about taking the subway instead but I didn’t know which one to take or which stop was closest to the deck.  I figured a cab driver would know where I wanted to go.

        As I walked in I noticed the next train was leaving in fifteen minutes.  Perfect timing.  I stepped to the counter.

        “I need a ticket to Grand Central Station, please.”

        “Round trip?” the friendly ticket lady behind the glass asked.

        “Yeah, I’ll be coming back later today,” I said, in case that made a difference.

        “Twenty three dollars.”

        I plopped my VISA card in the depression beneath the window so she could grab it.

        “Sorry, no plastic.”

        I put the card back in my wallet and gave her the cash.  Now I had fourteen dollars left.  I was about to go to downtown Manhattan for an entire day, sample the delicious food and drink, take a couple cab rides, and maybe visit a museum.  With fourteen dollars.  My face must have shown my worry because the ticket lady offered “There’s an ATM down the hall if I took all your money.”

        Of course.  Just get some more money and I’ll be fine.  I started feeling silly for getting on the plane with less than fifty bucks in the first place.  Why didn’t I bring more cash?  I reprimanded myself for my lack of good judgement.

        I grabbed my round-trip ticket and hurried to the ATM.  I opened my wallet and reached for my ATM card, but it was gone!  I instantly knew what had happened but I thumbed through every orifice in a desperate hope it had been mistakenly placed in another compartment.  But of course it was nowhere to be found.  In what seemed a clever move two nights earlier I had removed all unnecessary junk from my wallet and left it in my bedroom back in Colorado .  I took out my King Soopers card, my business ATM card, and, apparently, my personal ATM card.

        There was a flash of panic before I realized I could withdraw cash from my credit card.  I rarely do such a thing because of the high fees, but this time I could make an exception.  I would withdraw a hundred bucks and deal with the consequences later.  As I reached for the card a new revelation hit me in the face like a pail of cold water.  I didn’t know my PIN.  I searched my wallet again, this time for the scrap of paper with my PIN scribbled on it, but I had removed it over a year earlier since it never came in handy and was a security problem, even if I did rearrange the PIN in a crude attempt at coding it.  Without my personal ATM card or a PIN for my visa, there was no way I could coax any cash out of this ATM.  Without more cash, I couldn’t afford a cab ride so I would have to figure out the subway system and which stop I had to get off.  This was certainly not an impossible task, but it was more complicated than my first one.  And I would have to pay for everything by credit card, which meant simple luxuries like mochas or a Philly sandwich were no longer an option.  I headed for the train full of worry.

        As I boarded the train from the platform, I noticed all the window seats were full so I sat down in an aisle seat while politely acknowledging the young Asian man sitting opposite me.  He had headphones on and looked like he wanted to take a nap.  My row of seats did not have a window, and the best outside view was out the window of the door behind me.  Although I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the view on the way to Grand Central, I was determined to not get into a bad mood on a day when, in the big scheme of things, my life was full of joy and there really wasn’t anything worth getting down about.

        I looked around and observed the other people around me.  To my left across the aisle were two women complaining about their lives.  Two children were sitting behind them, occasionally poking one of the women with questions about how long the ride would take and if she could please have a snack.  There was a clean cut middle-aged man a few rows down flipping through the newspaper.  I pulled out my book and started reading it, trying not to think about how I would stretch fourteen dollars to last the rest of the day.

        A couple of minutes after the train started rolling a uniformed man punched each person’s ticket and slipped it into a crack at the top of each seat.  At each stop the train picked up a few more passengers and soon the train was standing room only.  After a while I decided to stand next to the door so I could look out the window.  The train passed from city to city, but I had no idea where one ended and the other began.  We passed industrial parks, office buildings, suburban homes, and tightly packed apartment complexes.  The ride was smooth and fast and although I enjoyed it, it was because it was a new experience and not because I would like to do it every day.

        After we left the second to last stop the train descended into a tunnel for a few minutes before coming to a gentle rest at Grand Central.  I followed the rest of the passengers out the train door, down the concrete platform, and up the stairs to the main concourse.  I stopped and gaped at the scene before me.  The concourse was nearly as big as a football field, with a beautiful curved roof high overhead.  It was wide open with only a small information booth in the middle.  Around the perimeter were several large doors that led to various subway stations.  Everything was covered in marble and exquisitely detailed.  People streamed in and out of all the doors and seemed to know exactly where they were headed.

        Except me.  I didn’t have enough money for a cab and I had no idea what subway to take.  As I considered my options I remembered the cell phone in my pocket.  Maybe if I called VISA and explained the situation they would tell me my PIN.  I found a seating area in an adjoining room and called the toll-free number on the back of my card.  The woman kindly offered to mail my PIN but that was the best she could do.  Oh well.  Plan B – figure out the subway system.

        I walked up to the small information booth in the middle of the giant concourse.  Glass separated me from the woman inside, but there was a microphone and speaker system so we could talk.

        “Can you tell me what subway to take to get to the World Trade Center observatory deck?”  I felt embarrassed asking this question, like I was a tourist trying to get to Disneyland.

        “Take the number 4 subway and get off on Fulton Street ,” she quickly said without any emotion.  This was obviously not the first time she was asked this question.

        I walked down the giant hallway to the number 4 subway, and just before I descended the stairs, I spotted three police officers quietly talking.  My head filled with the thoughts of the high number of police officers and rescue workers killed when the towers collapsed.  I wondered if they lost any close friends.  I wondered if they were angry at people like me who came to the city to view the destruction.  I wanted to tell them I felt their pain, too; that I wasn’t out for a voyeuristic joyride.  I wanted to connect with them.

        Partly as an excuse to talk to them and partly because I really was curious, I decided to ask them how the subway worked.

        “Excuse me, I’m new in the city and I need to take the number four subway, but I was wondering how it worked.  I mean, do you buy tickets or what?”

        “Just go down the stairs and buy a ticket.  You’ll see it,” a white 40-something officer quickly said.  He pointed down the stairs and returned to his conversation.  I thanked them, walked a few steps toward the stairs, and then stopped.  That was not the bonding moment I had hoped for.  I wanted them to know how much I appreciated the work they do and the sacrifices they make to keep society safe.

        I turned and faced them.  Before I had a chance to do anything else, the officer who spoke before spoke again.

        “Yeah, that’s it.  Right down the stairs.”

        That intimidated me enough to abort my mission and just get down to the subway.  I walked down the stairs, bought a token for $1.50, put it in the slot and pushed through the turnstile.  The waiting area had dirty concrete floors, concrete walls, and partially open concrete ceilings that exposed cables and duct work.  It was not as magnificent as the concourse, and I felt out of my element and just a little nervous that I could be the victim of criminal activity at any moment.  I pushed that thought out of my mind and patiently waited for the subway.

        It arrived in a couple of minutes and I stepped aboard and sat down in the nearest empty seat.  The car was only half full, and I was relieved that there weren’t any evil-looking folks on board.  As it pulled away from Grand Central, I noticed a pile of clothes outside the window lying in an out-of-the-way spot on the waiting platform.  Must belong to someone living there, I figured.  My tension level rose slightly.

        The third stop was Fulton Street .  I exited with a few others and decided to take a picture of the waiting area.  I removed my backpack and started to extract my camera when I noticed a young black man walking slowly toward me.  There was nothing obviously threatening about him, but immediately my mind considered every bad scenario that could happen, the most likely being the man grabbing my camera and running.  I knew that I was stereotyping this guy and I was ashamed.  I wanted to respect him and not give the impression that I was scared of him, yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was unwise to pull out a $400 camera just as he approached.  So I compromised and pulled out my camera so he could see it but immediately walked ten steps forward to create as much distance as possible.  When I turned around to check on him he was nowhere in sight.  I felt ashamed to feel relieved.

        I snapped a picture and walked upstairs to the outside.  This was my first real look at Manhattan .  I spun around to take it all in.  There were giant buildings all around me, and several people were walking past me on the sidewalk.  Street vendors were selling pictures of the World Trade Center as well as patriotic shirts and caps.  I even saw CD’s, socks, and videos for sale.  About a hundred feet west of me, across Broadway Street , I could see a long line of people whose movements were being directed by several police officers.  The line led to a long makeshift ramp built from plywood, and it ran west between an old stone church and a modern high-rise hotel.  The ramp ended in a viewing platform filled with people, and beyond that I could see a vast open area and the top of a construction crane.  The ground rumbled with the noise of construction equipment.  I had made it to Ground Zero.

        I walked toward the ramp, and quickly became fixated on the plywood wall that had been erected next to the line of people.  It was a memorial, and was filled with pictures of loved ones, flowers, teddy bears, poems, words of hope, words of perseverance, and words of vengeance.  The line of people in front of it prevented me from getting too close.  I figured there would be time later to study the wall; for now I needed to get my ticket to the observation deck.  I approached the nearest police officer.

        “I understand I need a ticket?”

        “Six blocks that way,” she said, pointing to the east.  “At the South Street Seaport Museum .”

        I took advantage of the walk to call my girlfriend Margaret.  I was pretty stressed, what with having nearly no cash and almost getting robbed on the subway.  Her soothing voice was immensely helpful, and I started feeling better immediately.  I told her about my cash trouble.

        “Can’t you call your credit card company?”

        “Already did.  The PIN should arrive in the mail in three business days.  If you could call me when you get it, that would be helpful.”  I figured at least I could get some cash by midweek.

        “Do you have it in the house?  Could I look it up for you?”

        “Maybe.  If I had it it would be in my credit card folder in my desk.  But there are a lot of papers in there and you might not find it.  If you do, though, give me a call back.”  She immediately started rummaging through my folder.

        “Here it is.  Chase Platinum.  Are you ready?”

        I couldn’t believe it.  I now had my PIN number!  I don’t know why I hadn’t thought to call her earlier – I could have saved myself a lot of stress.  I was reminded of a professor in college, who used to say in response to stupid questions, “It’s intuitively obvious to even the most casual observer.”

        I strolled six blocks to the ticket booth for the South Street Seaport Museum .  It was a tiny outside booth, and I never did notice where the actual museum was.  The line of people was long, but it moved really fast because the guy simply handed out one ticket for each person in line.  When I got my ticket I noticed that my scheduled viewing time was 6 – 6:30 PM.  It was now 1:45.   I had four hours to kill, and I looked forward to what those hours had in store for me.

        My first order of business was grabbing some lunch.  Next to the ticket booth was a shopping area with a food court on the third floor.  A Philly steak sandwich sounded good, so I strolled up to the counter and placed my order.

        “Philly with the works, please.”

        “Onions and green pepper?” asked the bored employee.

        “Yes, please.”  With those words it dawned on me that perhaps I was overusing the word please.  This was New York City , after all, and what is viewed as politeness in the Midwest might be seen as vulnerable tourist here.  I decided to place a higher threshold on who deserved my verbal courtesies.

        I chowed a delicious lunch while observing surprisingly normal-looking people all around me.  Small children nipped at the heels of their parents like excited poodles; high-schoolers busily chatted with their friends; an occasional tourist here and there had a camera looped around the neck.  It really didn’t look much different from any mall scene elsewhere in America .  I grew more comfortable with my new surroundings.

        After lunch I retraced my steps back to the observation deck, and I took a closer look at the street vendors.  I was initially repulsed by their obvious attempts at capitalizing on the tragedy, but each vendor was quiet and respected the privacy of the passers-by.  No one tried to talk me into purchasing anything, even though I carefully studied each vendor’s offerings.  The most aggressive vendor did nothing more than inform me of the prices of the different-sized photographs of the NYC skyline.  And none of the products was offensive.  Within a few minutes I was actually enjoying their presence – they gave the city a personality and helped offset the coldness of the concrete, steel, and asphalt surrounding me.

        My eyes caught a row of ATMs embedded in the side of a building.  At last!  I slipped my Chase card into the slot, entered my PIN, and requested the $100 fast cash option.  A few seconds later a receipt spat out, but the cash slot remained empty.  Puzzled, I studied the receipt and noticed the following message: “Transaction denied.  Request not allowed at our bank.”  That was weird.  The ATM had a sticker claiming it allowed VISA cards.  Why didn’t it work?  I took a few steps back and studied the building.  I was at Chase Manhattan Bank.  As I walked away cashless I couldn’t help laughing out loud at the thought of Chase denying their own card.  A few minutes later I would find another ATM that gave me the money without question.  It was Fleet, a direct competitor to Chase.

        I decided to walk a complete circle around the disaster area.  Barricades, guarded by police officers, completely surrounded not just the crumpled buildings, but included a single layer of standing buildings around the perimeter.  Between the standing buildings, behind the barricades, were high temporary walls blocking any view of the site.  But the walls didn’t obstruct the damaged skyscrapers that stood across the street.  As I walked in a counterclockwise movement, I was able to see how each of the remaining buildings suffered from the fall of the towers.  Many were draped in flexible material meant to retain any debris that might break loose.  Broken windows were plugged with plywood.  One building was missing a corner at the top.   A huge flag hung over the side of another.

        The most severely damaged buildings within the World Trade Center grounds had apparently been demolished soon after September 11; the buildings still standing had the benefit of a street’s worth of distance and looked repairable.  Yet they were empty.  The toll of the destruction went much further than the loss of the towers, which alone had more office space than Cincinnati .  It went further than the loss of the five buildings destroyed when the towers fell.  Every building with direct line of sight to the World Trade Center was now closed.  The financial impact of all of this must be enormous.  Think of the number of displaced workers, the loss of income to the hotels, the damage to the water, sewer, electric, gas, and subway infrastructure.  I cannot imagine a more destructive action a dozen terrorists could have carried out, short of dropping a nuclear bomb.

        I discovered another memorial wall along my walk around the site, but this one was smaller and there were only a dozen or so people in the immediate area.  I spent about twenty minutes reading the words written by many different people affected in so many different ways.  I think the biographies of people killed were the hardest for me to read, because it was so easy to relate to them.  Each victim was an important person in somebody’s life.  There were mothers, fathers, siblings, best friends, and coworkers.

        I wandered slowly around the south side as I nearly completed my circle.  A giant, portable, drive-through tent was spraying huge trucks with some kind of liquid as they exited the site in an effort to keep any contamination from spreading beyond Ground Zero.  These trucks were full of debris and came out in a steady stream of one every few minutes.  One of the trucks was a flatbed semi that carried nothing other than the twisted remains of two huge steel beams.

        Rather than finish my circular walk of the site, I decided to veer south to the end of the island to catch a glimpse of the Statue of Liberty.  After a few minutes I was standing on the south shore looking at the statue far in the distance.  I thought of how that green lady greeted millions of immigrants over the years, offering promises of freedom and prosperity for those willing to work for it.  If the World Trade Center represented the financial and intellectual power of the United States , the Statue of Liberty represented its heart.  And I pondered how the impact would have been different if she had been destroyed rather than the towers.  Surely the financial and human toll would have been lessened, but the heartache that most of America experienced would have been just as great.

        I headed north and turned right on Wall Street.  The street was narrow and very few cars drove by, but the sidewalk supported several wide-eyed tourists.  The buildings were ornate – marble and complicated concrete architecture was everywhere.  And they seemed so tall from the narrow street.  I passed an intersection that a historical marker called “the most expensive intersection in the world.”  The fake pillars of the New York Stock Exchange were decorated with red, white, and blue Christmas lights that formed a giant flag.

        I continued walking, and eventually found myself back at the ticket booth at the South Street Seaport.  It was 5pm, and I had forty-five minutes to kill before I could go stand in line for the observation deck.  I bought a mocha and a half pack of clove cigarettes and retired to an outside bench to reflect on the day.  Soon my thoughts turned to my girlfriend Margaret, and how much I loved and missed her.  We had been together for over a year, and things were better than I ever thought possible.  There had been conversations about getting married, but I always blew them off because it seemed too early to be discussing such drastic moves.  But suddenly, almost like the proverbial light bulb turning on, I felt ready for marriage.  I couldn’t imagine Margaret not being in my life.  A warm peace flowed through me as I decided I would propose to her when I returned.

        It was now time to go stand in line at the observation deck.  I walked the six blocks and handed my ticket to the police officer.  The line was about twenty minutes long, and I spent the time reading memorial messages written on the temporary plywood wall next to me.  I couldn’t help overhearing the middle-aged, overweight man behind me expressing his opinions to the woman next to him.

        “I’m all for believin’ in God and stuff, but some people take it too far.  They think their way is the only way, and they try to force it on everyone else.”

        Eventually we made it to the deck.  I leaned against the railing and stared at the scene before me.  Since the sun had set, the entire area was lit by powerful lights powered by noisy portable generators.  A row of ten or so construction trailers lined one side of the site.  So much debris had been removed over the last few months that all the construction equipment was below ground level, and the observation deck was not high enough to see into the giant hole in the ground.  In fact, the only evidence I had that construction crews were working was the constant drone of their machinery and the occasional piece of equipment that crawled up the ramp to ground level.  In fact, the area looked no different than any other construction area I’ve seen.

        After a few minutes I slowly walked down the ramp, reading the messages scrawled on the plywood wall as I went.  With a last look at the empty space where an entire block of buildings once stood, I descended the stairs to the subway.  The ride back to Grand Central was uneventful, as was the train ride to New Haven and the subsequent two-hour drive to my hotel.  I felt contemplative as I thought about all the things I saw that day, and especially the things I didn’t.  The world seemed so different now, so much more uncertain and dangerous.  Wealthy men had been ruined, children lost their parents, and America ’s sense of security was shattered.  I feared that this would not be the end, but only the beginning.